normandycommspecialist:

Samantha had to force herself to keep looking at Shepard as she spoke, every word from the commander making the smaller woman feel more and more nauseated. Because she wasn’t Commander Shepard now, talking about all of this, she was Jul. The small, shy girl who had kissed her under the stars at sleepaway camp had been - had been -

“My God.” Her eyes were burning, and there was a noticeable crack in her voice. “I - I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” She had to bite her tongue hard to keep from breaking down right then and there. This was not the way things were supposed to be going. She was supposed to be the steady one, the one ready to comfort if things were going downhill. Instead…

She gazed at the other woman, trying to comprehend how one went about dealing with so much and came out stronger for it. Of course it would have been near impossible not to come out stronger for it, but to get through it at all… She would have broken, and she knew it. The specialist couldn’t even think of what to say next.

“You had no way of knowing.” Juliette responded coldly, her eyes narrowing in displeasure when she took in the specialist’s watery eyes. She had not wanted to remember any of it, and she partly blamed Samantha for pushing her to this point, but at the same time she was frustrated with herself for not speaking of it sooner.

Without thinking she brought her hand up to her left forearm and stroked the smooth skin. Before Cerberus had rebuilt her there had been several scars scattered across her forearm, and she found she missed the occasions when she had rubbed the scars for comfort. 

Sighing, she leaned back against the desk, a slow pounding beginning to build in her temples. “It’s over and done with. I can’t change it, and quite frankly even if I could I don’t know where I’d begin.”