Send me “Goodbye” for the last voice message my muse leaves for yours before they die.

“Sam? Are you there?

I guess not. Maybe it’s for the best. This way I can say everything I want, no need to say said. Gods, where do I even begin? I’m not entirely certain. 

Do you remember back in school when I was this shy little girl who didn’t have many friends, and got picked on all the time because I couldn’t read as fast or as well as the other kids? I do. I remember how you were liked by a lot of the class, and how a lot of the boys tried to get your attention, but you never paid much attention to them. Instead you always seemed to be with me, and I was always so happy to be your friend. And then came summer camp, and I felt so alone. And you were there, and suddenly I allowed myself to feel all these things for you that I didn’t think I should have felt. And you felt them too. And we kissed and everything just seemed so right…

And then the universe ripped us apart… Gods. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to get by without you. Life in the gang was hard and lonely, and there wasn’t a day that I didn’t think about you. But after I tried to run away the first time I realized how pointless it would be to try and get in touch with my old life, and so I figured it was best for both of us to move on.

And I thought I had…

But then you came waltzing back into my life the day we left Earth on the Normandy. I tried to pretend it wasn’t you, tried to tell myself that it was all just a coincidence. But it wasn’t, and it really was you. And I didn’t want to let myself feel any of those old feelings, but I did, and it hurt. I wanted to go back to the old days so badly even though I knew it was impossible.

And then you kissed me and it felt like we had never been apart. I knew then that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And I planned on asking you to marry me once this entire war was over. 

I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger love. I’m sorry that by the time you get this the final charge will have begun, and I will most likely be running for the beam. I just want you to know how much I love you. I dreamed of a white picket fence, and three children and you. And we were happy. 

Please be happy. Don’t anchor yourself to the past. Move on. Have a happy life. Think about me sometimes. But remember that your life is in the present, not the past. 

I wanted so badly to have a life with you. To marry you and have everything I had ever dreamed about. But the galaxy fell apart and I was the one people turned to for help. A lot of the time I wish I wasn’t. Most of the time I wish I was back at summer camp spending the night outside with my girlfriend. 

I love you so much, Sam. I hope that you know that. Take care for me. If there’s something after this life… I’ll wait for you. Always. 

I love you, I love you, I love you-“