julietteshepard:

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to play with your food?”

“Oh I shall practice my curtsy.”

“He’d make a very handsome throw rug.”

“Excuse me for not leaping for joy. Bad back you know.”

“I thought you were very brave.”

“I’m only brave when I have to be.”

“Look at the stars. The great kings of the past look down on us from those stars.”

“Whenever you feel alone, just remember that those kings will always be there to guide you… and so will I.”

“Run. Run away and never return.”

“You gotta put your behind in our past.”

“Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen. Nobody knows my sorrow.”

“Everyone thinks you’re dead!”

“You think you can just show up and tell me how to live my life? You don’t even know what I’ve been through!”

“You said you’d always be there for me! But you’re not…”

“I finally had some sense knocked into me, and I have the bump to prove it.”

“What do you want me to do? Dress in drag and do the hula?”

“I’m a little surprised to see you… alive.”

"I’m not like you.”

“Friends? I thought he said we were the enemy.”

captainamericarogers:

• “More…broccoli?”
• “Hit him on the head.”
• “Oh boohoo, now I feel really bad." 
• "Well that makes you ugly and stupid." 
• "This is the last time we take directions from a squirrel." 
• "Are you talking to that squirrel?”
• “Excellent. A few drops in his drink, and then I’ll propose a toast, and he will be dead before dessert.”
• “It’s called a "cruel irony”, like my dependence on you.“
• "Hit the road Bucky!" 
• "No touchy." 
• "Why do we even have that lever?”
• “Ooh, look at me! That’s me as a baby!" 
• "I don’t make deals with peasants!" 
• "It’s my birthday gift to me. I’m so happy." 
• "You know, in my defense, your poisons all look alike. You might think about relabeling some of them.”
• “Is there anything on this menu that isn’t swimming in gravy?" 
• "Oh, it’s not the first time I was tossed out of a window, and it won’t be the last. ”
• “What can I say? I’m a rebel." 
• "You know, it’s a good thing you’re not a big, fat guy or this would be really difficult." 
• "It’s like I’m talking to a monkey, really big stupid monkey." 
• "I never liked your spinach puffs!" 
• "I have no idea, you’re the criminal mastermind here." 
• "You’re right. That’s giving you way too much credit.”
• “Anything sounds bad when you say it with that attitude." 
• "Hmm, don’t know, don’t care. How’s that?" 
• "Demon llama!" 
• "Wah-hah, llama face." 
• "Big, dumb and tone deaf." 
• "Oh, he’s doing his own theme music." 
• "I am so glad I was unconscious for all of this." 
• "Bless you for coming out in public." 
• "That’s the freakiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

• “I feel like it’s November first, and I’m that discarded jack-o’-lantern whose heart and guts are splattered all over the boulevard of broken promises.”
• “I swear, you are the only person I know who makes decisions based on what will provide the best material for a diary.” 
• “All I really want to do today is go to the book store, drink coffee and read.” 
• “I had chosen the path of the black sheep rather than that of the unicorns and puppies.” 
• “They’re called hormones.”
• “We’d have really pretty babies, huh?”
• “I’ll have to act out by wearing lots of eyeliner and doing the drugs.”
• “In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” 
• “I just wanted…to kiss you good-bye.”
• “Tell me something good about your life.”
• “Don’t judge yourself by what others did to you.”
• “I’m in love. And I like how that feels. And I hate how that feels. Because love is an invention of fiction writers.”
• “Smile. Nod. Say something witty before they find out what an incredible geek you are.” 
• “So you try to think of someone else you’re mad at, and the unavoidable answer pops into your little warped brain: everyone.”
• “Funny how when your life is mostly bullshit, you turn off feeling.
  Sometimes it’s hard to turn it back on again.”
• “You believe this is a game, and you may be right. But if you think you can play it better than me, think again.”
• “Why does it hurt so much? Why does it have to hurt?”
• “The cure for pain is in the pain.” 
• “That information is classified, I’m afraid.”
• “Don’t forget. Not ever. Not for a second.”
• “I am not interested in emotional fuckwittage. Goodbye.”
• “I’m pretty sure you’re way out of my league.”
• “You’ll NEVER understand that kind of pain.”
• “The wounded recognize the wounded.”
• “Thought you’d be gone by now.”
• “Blood isn’t love.”
• “Do your ears just block all incoming sound waves?”
• “Go make love to a tube sock.”
• “Is that a euphemism for penis?  Please let it not be a euphemism for penis.”
• “He is a pimple on the cock of humanity.”
• “I do not view other boys as threats, and I enjoy making them seem insignificant by calling them the wrong names.”
• “Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home.” 
• “I’m going to kill you one day.” 
• “I don’t like it, but my hands are tied. I just want you to know this: if I ever get the chance to betray you, I will. If the opportunity arises to pay you back, I’ll take it. You’ll never be able to trust me.”
• “Of course I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?” 
• “You’re mistaking bitter animosity for heartfelt affection.”
• “I don’t know whether to punch you or kiss you.” 
• “You’re hurt…let me help you. Please.”
• “Look at his burn. It’s going to get infected.”
• “It’s blood, yeah.”
• “I know you’re not okay.”
• “Look at me.” 
• “You left me.Without a word.”
• “You don’t…have to leave. Please.”
• “I don’t need the feeling of completeness. I just need the feeling of not being empty.”
• “Do you have a lot of sad things in your head?”
• “How do I share what I’m feeling?”
• “Not your [ boyfriend/girlfriend ], eh?”
• “Are you not happy with me?” 
• “This is love, isn’t it? When you notice someone’s absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love their presence?” 
• “I think your [ girlfriend/boyfriend ] is evil and should be destroyed.” 
• “Love me, because love doesn’t exist, and I have tried everything that does.”

ackerqueen:

• “Watch out!”
• “You could have been killed!”
• “Run! Hurry up, go!”
• “Save yourself, I’ll hold them back.”
• “Leave me here! Go! Hurry! I can handle it.”
• “I promise I’ll make sure they don’t hurt you.”
• “They better not have laid a damn finger on you or I’ll [insert threat].”
• “I swear, if they so much as breathe next to you, I’ll knock them out.”
• "I’m not leaving you here!”
• “And let you get yourself killed?”
• “Are you crazy?”
• “Are you hurt anywhere?”
• “I don’t trust him/her. They seem off.”
• “I’m saying this for your own good!”
• “Don’t worry. I’ll protect you.”
• “I don’t want to lose you! You’re all I have left!”

cillianhelps:

• [MSG:] I just audibly asked myself if I wanted to masturbate. And then audibly agreed.
• [MSG:] Normal people don’t sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours…
• [MSG:] Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
• [MSG:] Don’t worry about my [family member]. S/He just hates you because you’re [description], not because we’re fucking.
• [MSG:] What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers.
• [MSG:] I should have listened to my dad and Mean Girls… If you have sex you’ll get pregnant and die.
• [MSG:] Well, fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
• [MSG:] I just folded my boss’s underwear, and I ain’t a maid. I need a drink and a raise.
• [MSG:] I can’t remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
• [MSG:] I’m fucking your [family member] right now. 
• [MSG:] DIBS ON THE NEW GUY. 
• [MSG:] All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I’m not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
• [MSG:] If I banged a coworker last night but didn’t enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
• [MSG:] NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS.
• [MSG:] I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
• [MSG:] It happened again…
• [MSG:] Broke up with my married coworker… work is gonna get weird.
• [MSG:] I’m banned from the zoo.
• [MSG:] Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
• [MSG:] I’M WEARING A FLAG.
• [MSG:] You left your shoes at my place but remembered to take your vodka. I see where your priorities are.
• [MSG:] His internet history had “Disney Porn” on it.
• [MSG:] Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn’t even gay until five minutes ago..
• [MSG:] She said, “I don’t really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me” and I don’t remember anything after that.
• [MSG:] Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex.
• [MSG:] It’s like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here.
  
• [MSG:] What’s the worst that could happen? I’m already broke and my leg’s already broken.
• [MSG:] And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don’t act like I don’t do anything.
• [MSG:] I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious.
• [MSG:] Even my Mr. Clean Magic Eraser can’t make last night disappear.
• [MSG:] I was like, “um, that’s my butthole.”
• [MSG:] I don’t know how else to say this, but I think you’re a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I’ll be happier.
• [MSG:] Their flight hasn’t even left yet and the ‘buy food to keep yourself alive’ budget is gone on tequila.
• [MSG:] Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you.
• [MSG:] I’m sensing a Yuletide blowjob in your future and by future I mean tomorrow.
• [MSG:] There’s a naked man in my car right now.
  
• [MSG:] I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker…
• [MSG:] He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn’t have a test at 8am. It’s really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
• [MSG:] I’m going on a new diet. It’s called the “eat healthy otherwise boys won’t want to have sex with your fat ass” diet. Wish me luck.
• [MSG:] As long as you’re naked and covered in glow paint, I’m there.
• [MSG:] Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I’ve dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
• [MSG:] I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man, I love being a lesbian.
• [MSG:] Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
• [MSG:] He’s a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
  
• [MSG:] I would feel bad that’s he’s locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
• [MSG:] This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
• [MSG:] So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
• [MSG:] Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
• [MSG:] You owe me a new pair of boots, bitch.
• [MSG:] Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman ever.
• [MSG:] I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.

inboxideas:

^{submitted by anonymous.}

rpmememaker:

• But…
• I love you.
• Please.
• I don’t.
• I hate you.
• We can’t.
• Idiot.
• I can’t.
• Talk to me.
• Go away.
• You okay?
• Fuck me.
• I wouldn’t.
• Don’t.
• Fine.
• Marry me.
• We shouldn’t.
• I will.
• I won’t.
• Let’s get drunk.
• I do.
• It’s over.
• Fuck you.
• Stop.
• I shouldn’t.